Renewing Myself, Yet Again
Time now for taking the world for what it is like. I am now reducing my commitments into things that matter. I have become aware of my mortality, in a way. I realize I don't have endless time in hand. I am still optimistic, I still want to do things that I like, and I am still looking forward to life. But, I realized, despite hero-worshipping my grandfather, I am not going to be a businessman like him. I am much better off starting my life new, with a set of new goals.
Which I have, lately. I am in the middle of a full-fledged career shift into education. I have forced myself into an education company, directing strategy but also teaching, a part I quite enjoy. Besides, my reading list is all about education these days, as is my current chief preoccupation - completing my post-graduate studies in education at the UCL. It is quite hard, the struggle I have to do to keep all the balls in the air while coping with the remnants of my past life, but I am always an optimist and keep telling myself that this is more like the initial months when I first came to England - a restart, only better.
Besides education, my other current preoccupation is writing. I have realized that this is one activity I love - writing this blog is almost therapeutic to me - though it will need some training and commitment to make my writing more professional. So far, I always thought of it as a hobby, but lately I have started thinking about it seriously and know that this is one skill I would like to develop as I build a career in education. So, currently, I am trying to practice writing - copies for adverts, short fiction, news reports, websites - and develop this into a sort of parallel profession that I can pursue more seriously in a few months' time.
I have never had a career of any sort, only brief moments of success. In my life, I have done many things - some very well and some not so well - in a rather erratic sequence which resemble a child's play rather than a professional journey. At the hindsight, it may look planned, but it was chaos in reality, something that I forced upon myself and immensely enjoyed at times. This journey was marked only by some prominent twists and turns, which I call bonfire moments, moments when I decided to do something new, renounce everything that I stood for till then and forced myself to learn a new thing and start fresh. Despite my sense of mortality, and the urge to make my life more meaningful, I am at it again - I am sort of obsessed about newness and rediscovery of myself.
So be it, then. I am Hindu after all: in a way, all I do is a preparation for an afterlife. Just that I have chosen to live my life in a sequence of lives, not leaving it to God to decide what happens next, but playing a bit with myself and exploring the possibilities of a rebirth in a shorter span of time. The deadness of one existence really never weighed on me much, nor did the challenges of being a toddler yet again appear too daunting. I always found my way: That represented the soul of my enterprise.