Private Notes: What I Do Next?
I have obviously made different statements, in this blog and in my private conversations, about my future plans. I am conscious that most of them displayed torturous inconsistencies. I have long said that I shall leave this employment by end of August, but then decided to stay a little longer because the things I expected to come about, did not come about. However, the things I did not like about the job remained quite the same, and though I decided to stay for a while, I wished I left and kept talking about leaving soon. As someone recently told me, in jobs as in marriages, you never talk about leaving, unless you absolutely surely want to leave. Very true, because after a while, people stop believing your sincerity, and then, even if you leave, it does not matter anymore.
Besides leaving and staying on the job, there was another subject on which I was terribly inconsistent. About staying in Britain Vi's-a-Vi's going back to India. I have deliberately migrated and settled in Britain, and my life, despite the recent disruptions caused by continuous travel, was intellectually more stimulating than ever before. Though this is because of a combination of factors, and primarily because of the wonderful world of Web 2.0 and collaboration, it is partially because of the intellectually free life afforded principally by my staying in London, with its resources, opportunities and friends. But, despite the fact that I am enjoying this and feel that this experience makes me a better person, I have always thought in terms of going back to Calcutta and settling down in the cosy, familiar life that I long known and desired. Besides, I loved the house I grew up in and always wished my children will grow up in the same house, with the same environment and facilities. This is the reason why I kept coming back to the subject of returning to India, always wishing to but never exactly committing myself.
However, I have now come to realize that I need to make up my mind and work according to a plan, rather than wishing different things on a day to day basis. It is hard to go on without knowing what I am working for. While it is noble, almost heroic, to feel that it is my responsibility to set the business right for my employer and therefore, I must stay on as long as it takes, it is neither very practical nor very motivating to do so: most businesses need to have a clear long term commitment and perspective, and I need to have a clear game plan about the employment as well as where I stay at this time.
And, indeed, it is only fit that I talk about that plan here, as I have exposed my thoughts here before and my friends and well-wishers have already noted what I said before. So, a statement is in order, which will not change for at least the next couple of years. And while I can not take a final call on what I do after a longer period of time, it is imperative that I have a plan for next two to five years, which I do not intend to change.
So, here is what I am planning to do:
First, I am going to stay in Britain, for next five years, while I embark on seeing the world. This will mean that I shall go through the process of naturalization next year, and take a British passport. While it will indeed hurt to give up my Indian nationality, it is probably wise to naturalize as a British Citizen and take an Overseas Citizen of India, which will allow me to keep some rights, including the rights to go back to India on and off.
Second, I am not leaving this job at this time. I have not given up on my mission to create an integrated recruitment and training business, and to use English Language training as a key enabler for the same. To be honest, my frustration is elsewhere - it is not the mission but the means - but it is time that I don't leave on my own but rather follow my path. I have left too many things before, and this time, I should stay on and do my thing. I was not taking all the freedom available to me because I was afraid of getting on the bad books of my employers, which could have led to being fired first time in my life. But what is getting fired as compared to failing without giving it a try? I shall now try my own path, regardless of whether my employers like it or not. Hopefully, if I can keep doing things as I plan and wish, I should be able to rejuvenate the business and restructure it completely, may be even taking over parts of it soon.
Third, I shall stop the job search and start devoting my energies to set up a business instead. On the side of my job, but over a period of time, I shall make the two merge. I have already experienced the power of friendships and seen that people trust me. It is time that I repay some of that trust and build something sustainable on my own. Obviously, starting up a business from scratch is a lot of work, but I know what is the first step: that I have to overcome my fear and stop thinking about how to pay the bills next month. I can't be free unless I create the freedom myself. I am confident that I have the necessary skills and abilities required to up my game.
And, yes, I study. That is important. I have a lot to learn, and I must not waste any more time idling around. I wish to master two disciplines - marketing and education - in the context of the new World 2.0. I have made a start, but so far, my efforts were limited and uncommitted. I am standing at the point of inflection, where I must commit and get going. I have also now put all discussions about relocating to Ireland and getting involved in my company's core business behind, so I can possibly look at the future with some clarity and consistency. Hopefully, this will make an enormous difference in what I say or do.
So, hopefully, no more moaning on this blog then, but rather a regular diary on how I get on. I shall stop worrying about things not under my control, like what if I get fired or if some of my plans do not work, but try my best thinking that this is the only set of options that I have on table and I must put in my best to realize these.
Last few weeks have taught me one thing, that if you have the goodwill of friends, you can achieve anything you set out for. This gives me the confidence that I can achieve what I wish to, because, during the low periods of my life, the goodwill of my friends were on abundant display.