Day 8: The Monday

Here I am, in the second week, and as I reviewed my last week, I thought with satusfaction that I have achieved many things that I needed to, cleared many pending to-dos, and feeling a bit satisfied that I feel in control of my life. How much of that is due to this focus strategy, and how much is due to the simple fact that I am not travelling now and hence have more time and more predictable life style, it is difficult to tell. But, indeed, travel is surely life-wrecking, specially when one is trying to adjust to a new culture, give time to family, study a new subject and keep fit at the same time. I know my respite is only short-lived, and soon, come September, I am due to travel quite a bit. So, I am trying to make the best out of what I have - the next 90 odd days to fix my life!

There are quite a number of issues I need to address within this period of sanity. First, where am I going to stay. This is not about going to Northern Ireland or not, which, I am now convinced, that I need to do if I have to do my current job effectively. However, I do think I am at that stage in my life where I need to consider what I am doing next - not just this job but the next 10 years - before taking a decision. Indeed, going to Northern Ireland makes sense if I look at next few months, but the moment I look beyond, the choice isn't so obvious and I need to take a considered decision. In this context, the issue of whether to go back to India some day and when is important too. Lots of people keep advising me that I am wasting time staying away from India, and missing out on many emerging opportunities while I play this game of living through difficult life with myself. As I admitted earlier, I feel inclined too, but I am yet uncertain whether this comes out of my yawning for a comfortable life or for opportunities.

The second issue is what I am going to do. To be absolutely honest, I am not doing anything upto my satisfaction at this time. I am not talking about job satisfaction - I must flag here because I have never seen any of my Bengalee friends being able to understand anything beyond job satisfaction in life. But this is the key problem of the focus strategy. I shall put it this way - I woke up one morning seven days ago, and decided that I need to focus on pending things, because I am losing control over my life. So I did - I cut down on all things unnecessary or unrelated, and focused on what I am doing. Benefits are undoubtedly great, and I have regained the control, more or less, which I lost earlier. But, what if I focused on the wrong thing, the wrong way? Let me be specific. As things stand now, I want to do my job well and complete my Marketing Management studies which I am committed to. I want to sort out my home in Calcutta and a few other properties in which I have an interest. And, then next year September, I may go to full time studies and complete a business degree - that's the plan so far. However, if I am asked what is the rationale of this plan, I have no answers. All my life I would have followed one mistake after the other, as I lost control of my life by making a mistake and then trying to focus on the path to clear up the mess. I never had a chance to stand back and ask myself whether this is indeed the path I should go down.

One of things playing in my mind now is to leave the corporate/business career altogether and do something which I think I would like to do. I have International Development Management in my mind. My plans, as it stands now, is to keep doing what I am doing for one more year, meet my commitments to my employers and our other business partners, set the structure right and make it sustainable, and then take an one-year sabbatical to go back to the university and restart my career in another field. I am very keen to do this, and know that I have the necessary 'madness' in me to pursue such an option. This will help me to be apart, different, from my peers, which I always want. There is a bit of risk,, but as far as I am concerned, there is much less risk in following one's heart than in wasting the life doing something which one does not believe in.


whoismrbishop said…
Ho ho!

Guess what? I'm leaving my job in Northern Ireland to go to Calcutta, in September. I plan to stay there until February 09 but have little to go on. You should come to NI, it's grey but OK. If you really feel compelled, you won't know until you see for yourself. Let me know if there's anything I can help with.
Thanks. I keep going to Northen Ireland - in fact I shall be in Armagh for a whole week starting Monday the 30th - so I know what you are saying. I quite like Armagh I must say, but haven't yet thought through how this will change my life. Would be good to have a chat. Do let me know how you can be contacted.

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