Day 3

Two posts in a day should count as work, shouldn't it? That's what my 100 day agenda is doing to me. I am trying to keep as many commitments to myself as possible. But bad habits are really really hard to scrub off, so I had to struggle for most of it. However, I guess I am getting there.

I was sluggish and tired the whole of today. I guess yesterday's efforts got me. I always prided myself being a hard worker when I worked. But I am sure this is age - I am almost old now, though I want to deny it as much as I can - and I do feel this when I am off-routine.

I indeed am off-routine. I am sure I have sleep deprivation to start with. But also long hours of working in front of the computer is getting me. I had a terrible headache most of today - which led me to drink coffee, something I rarely ever do. I am a tea-man, out and out, and pride myself of my colonial heritage. But today, my mild colonial self was not enough to overcome the tiredness from yesterday, so I had to inject a high dosage of caffeine to remain awake.

Did I work much today? I definitely did not do what I intended to do. I am terribly behind schedule on writing the web content for our site, and I keep postponing it every day. However, I did work - on budgets etc [how much I hate that], established a few new contacts, spent an hour talking about a business opportunity [I haven't given up on being an entrepreneur yet] and also made up my mind on committing another year to what I am doing.

This was something which was bugging me for a while. I am obviously not satisfied the way I am treated, my work is treated in the company. But it is possibly that stage in my career when I should not walk out in the first sight of a difficulty. This is possibly my key mistake as an employee. I am good - committed, honest, intelligent and entrepreneurial - but my key problem is that I know that. I know that I can survive anywhere, and my skills, since I am multi-skilled like a true Gemini, a Jack, will be in demand in some form. So, everytime I am disappointed, I walked out. This has gotten me nowhere I must add. It is important for me to keep the faith in myself for once and see things till the end.

This will take a bit of effort, indeed. First of all, it is impossible for me to run this business from London. I got to be either in Northern Ireland, or in India. I shall choose Northern Ireland at this time. This will be a huge change, but I guess I have no choice, unless I decide to leave. And, I have decided not to leave, to give this job at least another year whatever the costs may be. If my focus is changing one thing, this is certainly it.


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