Day 67: Starting to Make Sense
My aim - to be achieved in 100 days - was simple. I needed to restore focus in my life. Migrant life is always pulled to different directions, not least by the frequent changes in the government policy. I came to Britain four years back without any clear ideas about what I wanted to do, and while I moved up and did something better every year, I did not achieve any greater clarity towards what I wish to do in the end. So, my day's work was often fragmented - doing little pieces of work without having any idea whether they are going to contribute to an end objective, because I set myself no end objective. Not even the usual ones like money. I was not even sure whether I want to live in Britain or go back to India, and seek a more stable family life.
Two-thirds down the lane, I am not sure I have progressed any further. Yes, I have got the visa, which allows me to stay in the UK for two more years. I don't really need two more years - under the current laws, I should qualify for an indefinite leave to remain by this time next year - but it was nice to have. My work has not progressed much - in fact, it has gotten worse - bearing the brunt of the credit crunch and low investor confidence in the market. I joined an university course, doing a post-graduation in Marketing Management, but did not do much study in the face of my work demands and continuous adjustments that I needed to make to get it going.
Standing here, I know I need to set things right now, without any more delays. I need to relook at what I want to achieve in life and see whether what I am doing now falls in line with that objective. I know I would quite want to have the Indefinite Leave to Remain, so that should be there on my list. I am not fussed about a citizenship, because I have a feeling that India actually presents more opportunities to realize my ambitions than Britain at this time. I am not sure the degree I am pursuing will help much, though it will surely enhance my knowledge quite a bit. And, my work - while it is going nowhere at this time - I am choosing between the roles of a loser and heoric dead, and I am increasingly convinced that I do not prefer the latter.
So time to rethink, refocus, redo. That starts NOW. I have to inject a new momentum in my life and everything around me. I know the problem - waiting for the Indefinite Leave to Remain has put me on a waiting mode, a 'Hold' mode, in my life. I need to come out of that, and start a different run. I am not sure refocusing will mean continuity necessarily - I am convinced that I need to achieve dramatic results over next thirty-three days in both my personal and professional life. Some of this may involve change - in what I do and how I do. 23rd September is the D-Day - Day of Decisions - and I must now deliver.